Pandora's Box

Somehow as I get older and I meet the adult I am today

I look back and wonder what happened to the child I was.

Where did I change or get off track?

Did I consciously decide to make the changes or did life sweep me off my feet?

Probably a little of both.    Sometimes looking back to my childhood years is frightening to me.  I was loved, surely, but my family was as weird as most families are.... and I emerged with as much baggage as everyone does..... so I made (and continue to make) changes to create the life I have and/or want.

But how much fun went out with the necessary changes?

There are many things about me as a girl that have changed....

I no longer particularly want to be a marine biologist....

or an international legal whiz.....

though the idea of being a translator still intrigues me.  I used to love to work with languages... was fluent in French, functional but SLOW in Spanish and know a smattering of German and Japanese.  I am not sure where I would be today :-).  Getting certified to teach ESL is an idea that has stuck with me if I am ever in a position to use it!

I no longer am a lonely isolated child with a lot of hours to fill....

though I STILL have my nose in a book and do some form of needlework most days!

But I wonder about all the other things I used to LOVE to do in those hours.... no internet meant that I had to do other things :-)

As a part of the 'unfinished item' quest, I am uncovering a few stashes of treasures I haven't quite had the heart to toss....

***like my dollhouse furniture....  I haven't done any dollhouse work since I was a girl... but I used to LOVE to make furniture and needlework decorations for my dollhouse.  Once, as an adult, I joined one of those kit-of-the-month clubs and I have a box of a year's worth of the KITS stashed away.  I never found the TIME to make them or the HEART to get rid of them..

***some cross stitch that I packed away when I was 40 and my eyes started to go (and, mind you, I also had an infant and a toddler in the house!)

***2 needlework kits that have ended up in my hands as a result of accepting donated yarn and projects... I used up or gave away most everything... but these two kits are of a type and style that I used to love.  One is crewel embroidery and one is needlepoint... two forms of needlework I did a lot as a girl.

***And then there is painting and drawing.  I no longer have any supplies for them.... but I wonder if I would enjoy it again...

Certainly it will be at least another year before I work through enough of the ongoing projects to get to a place where I can add these "Pandora Box" treasures to my list.....

BUT what a joy to find them and dream over them again....

You DO remember what was inside Pandora's Box, don't you?  Down at the very bottom?

Floaters, Flashers and Other Excitement!

Aging is an incredible adventure!

My eyes are treating me to a light show worthy of the July Independence celebration. 

My eyes have always been a little, for lack of a better word.... WEAK!  Actually, they are quite healthy and strong.... but they don't work very well :-)  Acute astigmatism, acute myopia.... the combination basically means that I don't see well.  When you add allergies and light sensitivity, a basic optometrist is not much help for me.  I have a specialist who has worked with me for years to keep me in contact lens.  The mall places turned me away as a lost cause years ago.

Last year, we add dry eye to the scenario.  I love that term... dry eye.  No one knows the what or the why - but it's a term to explain away irritated old eyes.  In my case, my specialist sent me to another specialist and we settled on a combination of 3 more conditions, rosacea (of the eyelids only (what?), blepheritis (okay, a chronic infection of the eyelash follicles (!), and something else I can't remember that basically means that the composition of my tears is not oily enough.   So, a year with my heavy glasses and ridges on my nose :-(

So I have worked through the year and lots of eye drops.... and still sometimes have blurry patches in my vision... but they clear up quickly and don't bother me too much.  I use a prescription eye treatment for the oil composition (and have increased my Omega-3 intake) and a cleansing regimen for the chronic infection.  And, finally, am back wearing my contacts.. Hooray!

And, now the fireworks :-)

A few floaters... who pays attention?  A few weeks ago, they became a little more persistent.  And then I was catching glints of light in my peripheral vision... mostly I thought it was from vehicles.  It IS summer after all and the sun is bright.   And then more floaters... or was it bugs around my head?  Hmm.....  a few false jerks because of impressions in my periphery again (no, I am not paranoid!).... and then a small bit of film that 'hung' in my right eye most of the day.   Back to the specialist to discover....

You guessed it..... NORMAL!  Okay I am blessed... and healthy overall.  My understanding is that I have entered a roughly 3-month period where the 'jello' in my eyes is liquefying.... (EWWW) and that, as this process occurs, the fibers will pull away and cause disturbances.  As my son so forthrightly put it, apparently this is part of the process that occurs as my body begins destroying itself.  I really do love that kid - but I almost brained him!  I'll get my revenge later..... I am selecting HIM to change my diapers when that time comes...

I am to be checked monthly for the next few months to make sure that these fibers don't bring my retina with them.    THAT is the part I have heard of before.....  I never picked up on the fact that I would be treated to the kinds of things I get to see all the time right now.   So now you know.... IF you are my age..... or if you dabbled in things you shouldn't when you were a teen.... now you know you should have waited.  At a healthy middle-age... you get it all for free.... naturally.

So, at a time in my life when I am already questioning my own thought processes.... and bodily functions.... now my eyes are jumping on the bandwagon and including my brain...... so I run on auto-pilot and pretend things are as they SHOULD be... not as I actually see them.  I am glad that this is a process and it will end in a few months.... but I am determined to figure out a way to ENJOY the experience :-)

Reading is entertaining because of the stuff floating around between me and the print..... tv is okay - but not the channel guide!  Outside I keep swatting insects away - even though they aren't there... it's ALL me!   But at least I can sit on my porch at night and see fireworks of my very own :-)

It's no wonder young people think old people are crazy!