Day One Again

 It's been forever since I've journaled in any way.  Somewhere along the line, I lost my feeling that I had anything to say of any significance.

And that may be the case.

But I can't help but believe that I am not the only person who feels like I feel.

An overthinker... who has been withdrawing for years.

It's been FIVE years since I made a decision to create the life I want to live for the rest of my life.

TWO of those were working on simply decluttering, simplifying, trying to decide what I didn't want so I could figure out what I DID want. [I had my social media presence stolen in this time frame and along with that - much of whatever social life I DID have.  2/3 of the people I was connected to never noticed my absence... or if they did, it wasn't worth their time or trouble to reconnect - no rancor here - just truth as I see it.]

ONE year started a health journey to add to this... which led to an UP and DOWN THREE years with a successful 50 pound weight loss... a continuing effort to be active - AND TWO major surgeries. 

It has become very real to me that I need to work hard on staying healthy and mobile... it is too easy to let it slide.... and it is VERY HARD to keep getting up every day and working at it.

It is also worth everything to me to be active until I leave the planet.... like 'leave it all out on the field' active.  Which, some days, is simply getting up and dressed and not falling down :-)

In this past year, I have seriously been working on personal growth and squeezing out all the little joys of life.

The personal growth looks like reaching out to lots of people and asking questions... for some reason this is tremendously difficult and awkward for me and often overwhelming in ways I can't describe.  One on one isn't too hard... it's manageable.... but in a group?  Oh geez.... I shut down like nobody's business.  But I'm working on it.

The little joys?  That is a fantastically fun process....  looking for things that make me smile... funny socks... my dog's antics...  finding an item I need that I thought I was out of..  randomly hearing from a friend.  I think we forget how large those tiny things can be... what they do for our daily existence.

ok - so it's a journal entry... nothing special  just day one  again.