What is it about Spring that simultaneously
fills your head with ToDos....
AND
makes you ready to go outside and play?
One thing I absolutely LOVE about being older is the complete freedom to choose
AND the recognition that PLAYtime is FINITE
ToDos are not. Playtime will flit away and ToDos remain..
So Go!
When energy and opportunity present themselves... take them by the hand and go find your adventure!
I always end up so introspective when I have these seasons...
Someone called me empathetic yesterday - which I may well be -
But in truth, I am a veteran co-dependent. I am highly sensitive and in tune to the people around me. I am here to serve. And my life has been in that path. Most decisions I have made in my life were for the good of others - of the group. Not for me. I didn't even know I HAD needs.
Which is where food and alcohol come in :-)
It wasn't until I was in my 50s (!) that I realized that I am the ONLY person on the planet who I can trust to have my best interest at heart.
Boundary issue much?
So as I withdrew to make the choices that would try to bring this in line.... I became solitary. I spent a lot of time on my own self soothing... fortunately, needlework and yardwork also soothes me. And while those are satisfying..... they don't fill my cup.
I want more.
Yet there is still a constant struggle between the 'safe' space of hiding with my yarn and potato chips..... and reaching out to humans and being part of a group - because I no longer trust people (or myself around them? who knows?)
My word for the year is BOLD
My BOLD may not look like your bold.... but just sending this out into the world is my BOLD for the day.
The sun is out thank goodness! But my 'itchiness' continues....
You know - it's true - food is always there when you need it.
My go to response since I was very very young... is food.
When feelings come forward... there's food
When confusion hits... there's food
When I'm bored... there's food..
The struggle is real.
I made a commitment this year to work at things that scare me.
What scares me? Humans.
Actively letting humans back into my life? I've been isolating for at least 5 years. It's hard. Harder than I thought. And I have 10 extra pounds to show for it.
I think what I want to say is that I want to continue working on being a better human whatever that means. I definitely need to keep on fighting for my own healthy BMI and weight.
And I need to state that the battle doesn't end because the weight comes off. You just fight the fight from a stronger place. 70 years of stuffing my feelings down.... smoothing things over with ice cream and french fries.... that overwhelming urge to munch or crunch of swallow doesn't just dissipate...
It's a continual struggle but this is where I SEE you.
We can help each other.
