New Years Eve 2017

So.... it’s a night like any other.    But it’s New Years.  So it should feel different.  It should BE different.  But it’s not.  It’s the same. It’s your life.  Your LIFE.  So no fireworks.  No radical craziness. Just your life.  It’s what you have. For good. For bad. For what you can do with it.  I guess that’s the thing: what’s next?   Seriously, felt where you are sitting now, what is next?   That is the real question for all of us. Never has there been a time where we have had more choices   Today, my friends, what’s next for you?

Book Review: Seven Days of Us

Seven Days of Us

Lots of fun! Some predictable plot points..... but a fun story of a family quarantined together for a week :-)

Merry Christmas!

I wish many good things for you, my readers....
         much peace with lowered holiday expectations and gratitude for the blessings you have...

We will see how much I actually do find my voice again in writing .... but for now - gratitude for the opportunities in front of me

...and some joyous anticipation for new roads ahead in the new year.


I hope your day.... season.... is fantastic!

Progress

okay so

the social anxiety post from the other day was pretty raw

but I have to say there is progress....

last year I had two holiday functions and a family function - all people I wanted to be with - and it wasn't too bad

the year before - we left town and visited elsewhere - which is another story altogether

the year before that?  I barely managed the family function - and it's MY family!

So THIS year?

one work holiday function - very strained - so the anxiety was HIGH
one fun holiday function - I love these ladies!  but the struggle is real :-(
         I must say that these were HARD

one family function today that *I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO*

and a possible function Christmas Day that I am considering
                probably won't happen - I will probably exercise my right to stay home

BUT I am considering it without too much angst.
      (of course it is 2 days away and I am NOT expected so we shall see)

My point is....  progress

I am grateful.

Social Anxiety Sucks

Social Anxiety Sucks


any gathering
   party, dinner, meeting, club

any size
     bigger than 2

any people
    friends, family, strangers

you spend days before on edge
       preparing, psyching yourself up, calming yourself down, trying to be logical, trying to figure a way out

the day of
       well... headaches, sleep loss, over eating, being late, oh so late, but hey I made it!.... name your stress reaction

afterwards
        whether you cave and hide... or cave and go....
          paralysis, self doubt, exhaustion, tears, more overeating and/or drinking

the 'holiday' season is filled with these gatherings!

every group of people that you are part of
         gathers in some capacity to celebrate

yet for many of us
         there is no celebration - just weariness, exhaustion, mild relief as we gear up for the next one    <sigh>

once in a great while, it turns out okay.   rarely good... but sometimes okay. 

please have compassion for those in your group
         who don't / can't show up
             who do show up but are stilted and uncomfortable
                who over compensate somehow or are 'weird'

we are all doing the best we can

Sporadic Writing

5 years or so ago

I broke down

my life fell apart

Outside looking in - everything looked the same
                        but inside?

                I broke

I've spent the last several years crawling out of a hole - and am experiencing some success....

But I stopped writing back then

I tried to keep up with crafts and home stuff -
         and I will get back to that

But I lost my voice
           I had to hide

I'm getting back on the page - and will share my journey
         but I wanted to write this first before I begin to speak of things that sound negative

I'm not negative - but life is hard for all of us
       and maybe - just maybe some of the stuff I experience will resonate with someone else

so.. watch your inbox

more is coming

Kay