As I look around my life.....
A year after my turning point
4.5 years after my first real breaking point
2.5 years after the final breaking point (because I will never allow this to happen to me again!)
I am grateful
Grateful that I can finally begin setting small goals again.
But the enormity of the task ahead overwhelms me
The yardwork I have let slide....
The sorting and cleaning
Hanging pictures, even...
Overwhelms - but also excites. I am ready to let go.
To rely on me.
I probably should have gotten help
But that hadn't worked for me in the past.... counselors who didn't listen, who preached their own message.
I needed to be heard
By myself most of all.
I am not sure if depression cost me YEARS.... or if it took YEARS to bring me to a place
of self discovery and courage to stand up.
I have spent many years listening and protecting and nurturing others.
It's not so much now that I need to be nurtured - though that would be nice :-)
But I need to nurture my own self
and I'm ready.