Ready

As I look around my life.....

A year after my turning point

4.5 years after my first real breaking point
2.5 years after the final breaking point (because I will never allow this to happen to me again!)

I am grateful

Grateful that I can finally begin setting small goals again.

But the enormity of the task ahead overwhelms me

The yardwork I have let slide....
The sorting and cleaning
Decorating

Hanging pictures, even...

Overwhelms - but also excites.  I am ready to let go.
To rely on me.


I probably should have gotten help

But that hadn't worked for me in the past.... counselors who didn't listen, who preached their own message. 

I needed to be heard
By myself most of all.

I am not sure if depression cost me YEARS....  or if it took YEARS to bring me to a place

of self discovery and courage to stand up.

I have spent many years listening and protecting and nurturing others.
It's not so much now that I need to be nurtured - though that would be nice :-)
But I need to nurture my own self

and I'm ready.
It's time.