Monday, July 9, 2012

Plateau, anyone?

Why is it that we want everything fast?

Is it an American phenomenon?  Is it a product of the fast information age?

Are we just spoiled and want everything right away?

Probably all of the above.

We want our vehicles to go faster... our computers to load info faster... our money to come faster... our desires to be instantly granted.

I have been frustrated with this weight journey of mine.  As many of you know, I lost 60 pounds several years ago.  I had been overweight for most of my life so had no real clue what my weight "should" be.  It was an exciting journey of learning to exercise and work out - to eat healthier versions of favorite foods & learn about portion control and calories.  And the weight came off.

And I began to participate in races and other foot events.... and I trained.  And it was exciting.

But I missed the old life.  I missed eating snacks with my family.  I missed all the things I used to crochet.  I missed all the reading I used to do.  So I tried to incorporate things I love to do and create a new life.... but it is much harder and much less exciting than quick change!

My life since then has been a creeping crawl of weight gain.....  half of it is back on my body.  But I'm not completely sure that WAS my body.  I looked good, yes... but I'm not sure that was my 'perfect' weight.  I still don't know what that would be :-)

I have lived in the fear of weight gain....  I have gained it and lost it quickly.... and gotten so sick it took months to feel better again and gained back more.  I have been DESPERATE to lose and all caught up in the pantry / fridge binging.  Does anyone else binge on salty (chips) and need to top it off with sweet (ice cream)?  Vice versa works too....  But I refuse to live in fear any more.  That is no way to live.

So I am working on what I am eating..... and trying to figure out movement... something I can live with and do day by day.  I am trying to create a life.... a healthy, fear-free life where I eat what I want and do what I want.  Thing is, I am trying to honor my body by feeding it real food.... (which I do not always want!)  But I am listening to it.  I have heard the message that I will sleep better if I don't eat after 8pm.... so most nights I don't.  I have heard the message that too much salt or soda will make my hands swell in the morning... so I am careful.  I am beginning to hear the message that excess sugar and grease makes me shaky and sick and grouchy - not to mention all the bodily backfiring from some of these!

These are important things.  These are the things that mean that I am beginning to WANT healthy food instead of junk binges.  THESE are the things that mean that one day I will not have to worry about food - I will eat like a thin healthy person.

And these are also the day-by-day boring things that happen during a plateau.  I spent more than 50 years battling binge behavior.... I spent more than 50 years battling emotional eating... what makes me think that a month or two (or a YEAR for that matter) is long enough to make a permanent change?  There is wisdom in taking time to really learn what you need to do so that it is easy... a LIFE, not a project.

I don't care what the 'experts' say about creating a habit in 30 days.... it takes me less than 5 minutes to UNcreate it .... I need to keep working on it.  My plateau will continue until I really get it... and then?  Well.. when I really get it, when I really understand the process and have it in place, I will have the body God intended for me to have... healthy, strong and, yes, a bit thinner than I am now (I think :-)

So, I'll take the plateau, thank you.... and I will keep working on it - healthy foods, real recognizable foods - and I'll figure out this exercise thing eventually too!

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