As I continue on my quest for health and my 'perfect' body size, I am caught on the horns of a dilemma. Some of my clothes are tight. Some of my pants are uncomfortable. Some of my button-up blouses are gaping. Pooh :-(
So.... what to do?
I don't want to spend the money on new clothes.
I SHOULD be able to drop a few pounds and be comfortable again.
I shouldn't be gaining weight.
I am stupid, fat, lazy, useless.... well, you get the picture.
How many items of clothing do you have in your immediate reach that do NOT fit, flatter, or make you feel good about yourself?
GET THEM OUT of your immediate reach. NOW. They aren't helping you.
Do you realize that those items (which may not have been favorites when they DID fit but sure are now :-).... are feeding your self-loathing? Which in turn feeds your unhealthy (fat?) self.... sooo.... clothes that don't fit.... and hang around where you can see them or grab them or whatever... are just getting in your way. Keeping clothes nearby that do not make you feel fabulous.. are a form of self-sabotage.
Yes, you hear me right. Self-sabotage.
When you try on a shirt and it gapes, how do you respond? If you are like me, the habit is to berate yourself, wear an old t-shirt, fell guilty, starve the first half of the day and console myself with high-chemical treats in the latter half - you know, 1000 calories on non-nutritive STUFF that I DESERVE (?)
When you are wearing something that fits you in a flattering color, how do you respond? If you are like me, you leave your room, feeling good... strong... confident enough to SMILE, EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST.... and do a better job overall in honoring your body.
I hear you... who can afford new clothes? And since it's only been 5 years since I initially lost all that weight, I have a RANGE of sizes to choose from now. I have found that there is JOY in buying new clothes that are smaller. I am not sure why - but somehow it is NO PROBLEM to buy smaller clothes - the problem is buying larger ones.
I have decided to honor me..... the ME that I am today. The wonderful, fabulous person in my mirror DESERVES clothes that fit and flatter. Everything I reach for should be something I like that makes me feel good. So, when I try it on, and it gapes, pinches, reveals more than I like.... I pull it OFF my body and make a quick decision whether it goes in the giveaway box or gets stored for later. Because my size truly IS changing back and forth these days as I get healthier... as I eat more REAL food and move my body in better ways... as I fight the self-sabotage that is more the issue than pounds.
So... yeah... I am shopping for clothes.. basics and a few fun things... and I don't mind free if anyone has some they want to share... because I deserve to feel pretty... and strong.... because I AM :-)