Thursday, March 12, 2015

Day 85... or a little more than 1/4 through my Year 59....

March 8

So I have determined that I am not a good blogger.  My blog flounders and flops like fish out of water.

I can't decide which direction it should go in.

Is it a personal diary?
   I admit to spending an inordinate amount of time in my own head but I am assured that others do also.  But I wonder at my intense feeling of need to be a role model - an example.  To share the not-so-peculiar aspects of my journey to find relevance.   I have spent most of my life feeling like I need to be role model - but sometimes lately I wonder how necessary my sharing really it.   Maybe I should spend more time living and less time sharing?

    Or perhaps, I need to change up my time frame a little.  Some of my best lessons are not from recording TODAY for you... but when re-hashing YESTERDAY to extract the lesson!

Is it a crafting blog?
    Maybe - I confess to a great desire to share the strides I've made in my crochet and quilt journey.  Through constant practice, I have really come up with some good ideas and products this year that I have primarily shared on Facebook.

One of my personality traits is an inability - no, a DIFFICULTY - settling onto a path.  I am a person who sees many, many paths to a given result - and it is difficult to choose.

This is a year of adventure and decision for me.  It is definitely more difficult than I anticipated - but it is moving along.

It is a year where I will intentionally move toward living the life I choose.  I HAVE found joy in each day - from a clean sink to an eagle buzzing me overhead.  I have taken the time to notice - even some photographing.... though I admit to not getting it all out here.

I have taken opportunities that have come my way... I am stepping out in faith in areas where I have struggled before... and I am working hard clearing physical clutter and re-designing my home space to reflect the person I am becoming.  Once you realize that you are no longer 24/7 mom.... my entire adult career / function, if you will...  there is an opportunity to discover WHO you really are.  I get to choose what kind of life partner I wish to be.  I am sifting through responsibilities and long-held beliefs and picking and choosing what works for me - and what makes no sense :-)  I am learning to honor my own gut - even when (OFTEN!) - it completely is contrary to societal norm.

I have spent enough years on the planet to accept who I am deep down inside.   I am choosing who I want to be - and watching phrases that come out of my mouth so that I can be whom I choose.... (eg "I'm too old to do that" is not something I WANT coming out of my mouth!  Certainly I don't want it to be part of my belief system)

This is a year of coming alive..... I look forward to turning 60 with this work in process.  Living life on an active journey is a gift!

I suppose even this blog is up for re-consideration this year.  Determining what it is to me.... deciding IF I even have readers and what my responsibility is....

I will continue writing - probably fairly randomly - for me.. Especially if I don't hear from a reader what they would like to hear!  So there is the question.... ARE you a reader who checks to see what I'm up to?  If that is the case... what would you like to see?  Is there something I have to share that would serve you?  If not, no worries... I will keep on keepin' on... until I don't :-)

Smile today... it sets the tone of your life!

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