The movie Bucket List hit me hard! The concept of having a list of things I want to do before I die - I mean BIG things - DREAMS - had not occurred to me in years. Literally YEARS.
I feel like somewhere along the way, I shut down. I think I was disappointed enough... I had enough life crises.. that I quit dreaming for myself. Not that I have had a bad life - probably no more crises than anyone else.. and when I finally settled down in my mid-30s (with 3 children and a couple of failed marriages behind me), my Cinderella ENDing... was just that... an END. And I HAPPILY rested in that ENDing, finished raising my children, dreaming for them... and realized it wasn't the END.
But I was content. Content is good, right? I wasn't too unhappy with my weight.. mostly because I KNEW with every fiber of my being that I could not lose it.... so I accepted it. I LIKE being home taking care of things.... so I accepted it. I LOVE being a wife and mother. I was happy sitting on the porch in my rocking chair. I THOUGHT that learning to be content with my place in life was the ultimate goal.
By the time I turned 50, life had settled into predictable routines. And I was content. A friend asked me about my bucket list.... what were the things I wanted to do before I died. And I didn't have one. Not one dream. Not one thing I wanted to aspire to, to achieve. And I realized that in my self-induced coma of contentment... I was done. Finished, caput..... DONE! At 50? In good health?
And my logical mind kicked in and said - if that is true, if you are finished.... then what's next?
Yikes! Can you say 'wake up call'? With the recognition that by most standards, at least half of my life is behind me, it's time..... PAST time... for me to DREAM about what I would like to do in this world. The dreams, the achievements are what mean I am NOT finished..... I am still ALIVE!
So I started thinking about things I would like to do 'some' day.... and have begun to make goals out of them! SOME day is NOW :-)
I created a page with 'bucket list' items on it - a few I've done and some I am working on. I am still content... actually more so... I am HAPPY and LOVE the challenges I set for myself.
What about you? Do you have dreams? Dreams for yourself? Do you have a bucket list?
Why or why not?
Leave a comment here and let me know!
Dear Kay
ReplyDeleteI too am going to be 50 this year and I too am contemplating my 'bucket list' maybe it is the 50 thing or maybe we are who we are now and it is time.
I spent my 40th birthday lying in bed being violently ill because I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter-everybody told me I was crazy to have a baby at 40 but you know best thing I ever did in my life! so here comes 50 and my husband is working all weekend and there are no plans so in 3 weeks I am flying to NYC not driving!! I am staying in a nice hotel and on the saturday i want to be at the top of the empire state building with my daughter and my cousin-hereth starts the bucket list! Kay HG
Awesome way to celebrate! I found 50 to be so incredibly FREE-ing! Somehow I knew who I was and wasn't apologizing for it any more :-)
ReplyDeleteI had a 1 year old when I turned 40 so I know what you mean :-) Definitely has kept me young!
Thanks for the comment!
I did this at 40, or should say 39, I thought "when I reach 50 I don't want to say I wish had done this or that but had not even tried" so by the time I turned 41 I had accomplished quite a number of the list, and also, realised that some of the things that I thought I always wanted to do either were not for me or were not what I thought they would be. Once I started "living" instead of surviving from day to day through the mundanity of routine I found my life "took off", I hope yours does too and that you don't look back at 60 with regret. This is amazing, and inspiring- Im now 45 and have settled back into a (new and different) rut- I have 5 years to get my ass out of it- thanks for leading the way. KJ(Sugarplum xx)
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