Back to the Real World

The time I spent by myself when I escaped to the beach was good for me.

I got to do some new things....  and learned not to depend on others to schedule my time :-)

I got to focus on some things that I have been neglecting.... okay - I did spend some time on paperwork!  But I also spent some uninterrupted time with my books. 

I got to spend some uninterrupted time praying :-)

One of the gifts was the recognition that while I CRAVE uninterrupted time to do what I want..... I DO NOT KNOW what to do with it!  LOL!!  How funny is that?

All the times I have said to myself..... if I didn't have to do (you fill in the blank) for (you can fill in this one too!), I would...............  And the funny part is that when that opportunity exists, I am out of practice!  That is exactly one of the reasons I took advantage of the escape.... just to test the theory then I had no one to BLAME but myself :-)

And now I am back to the real world... MY world.  In some ways, I feel like I have had a revelation... in some ways a battery re-charge.  Certainly I needed to spend a little time appreciating my life and recognizing that I am part of a process.  And I NEED the family I live with (even when they drive me nuts :-)  They are a big part of my identity!

But the identity is changing and I need to change with it.  My family doesn't need me in the way they used to.  They need me in different ways.  All of our relationships are shifting as my children become adults.  Another new revelation is that my marriage is changing too... in a  good way... but CHANGE and EASY are not words that go together :-) 

My challenge is to take this new awareness and move gracefully forward.

I may no longer be my children's caretaker but I am still the role model of how life moves on.