One of the fitness opportunities that I am trying out is martial arts. [I also work out at home, train for and walk races and the Breast Cancer 3Day Walk, and I take several dance classes]. I believe in the discipline and philosophy of martial arts and I enjoy both the cardio and stretching opportunities. What I have not been able to wrap my head around is the attacking piece. Of course, learning to attack is merely another form of self-defense.... true martial arts do not promote fighting - they promote peace-making.
I have been taking it for about 6 months and have tested once. I began the classes solely because I was driving my son to the classes and simply sitting through them. I felt (and still do) that sitting through them is an exercise opportunity lost. I have progressed to a level where it is time for me to test again.. and I am left with a question as to whether or not to go on. I will still be allowed to take the classes and to work out but I will not be allowed to progress if I do not test.
I enjoy working out with my son. He is my youngest and this is something we can share. On the flip side, he is very serious about martial arts and I am not. He struggles with the attitude of those who are present strictly for exercise. For him, it has become a lifestyle. We are very honest people and I wonder if his 16 year old judgments are part of my concern about the validity of my presence in class.
Is it hypocritical to continue on this path in a discipline that is not true to my nature? That is my primary question. I have spoken with the director and he has no concerns. He has encouraged me to search my heart and make a decision for myself.
This testing is in a large group setting which I do not want to do. So I am left with the question.. am I questioning this because I simply don't feel like it (or am intimidated by the setting)?
Testing is not free. While I have budgeted the money, I know in my heart that I would rather give that money away and help someone else achieve their dream than to spend it on myself for something I don't care that much about. Should I donate the money to the do-jang so that someone else can test who might not be able to afford it? I have since asked the question and found out that they work with those who have different resources than I do. Whatever I decide, I will remember to keep them high on my list of places for donations.
I used to walk sometimes during the class and I am ready to do that again. Spring is coming, I have a full racing schedule and I can use this time to train for that. I also want to watch my granddaughters more and will sometimes have them during class time. So I know I am planning on missing classes. What does this have to do with testing NOW?
I am concerned for others. I perceive myself as a positive role model for my family and for those around me. I am concerned both about being a hypocrite and about setting an example of laziness. I enjoy being a positive achiever.... not so much because I need to achieve but more because, for me, it's about the journey. There are those people who are encouraged by what I do. I have to remember though, that in the final analysis, each person needs to make his or her own decision.
Selfishly, I really enjoy some of the people I have met at the do-jang. I feel that some of them are positive role models for me and I do not see them outside of class. I will miss them when they are no longer part of m life. This is irrelevant to the question of testing. I am still driving my son to class. I will still be coming even if I am not actually attending class as regularly. My time is limited and I will miss some of the people. Okay... that is not today's issue.
What is important here is whether or not I test along with my son. Funny how your head can get so wrapped up about such small matters.... because in the grand scheme of things... this is a small matter. It is merely a day in my life.
The testing is a week away....
No comments:
Post a Comment