Friday, February 4, 2011

To Test or Not to Test

    One of the fitness opportunities that I am trying out is martial arts. [I also work out at home, train for and walk races and the Breast Cancer 3Day Walk, and I take several dance classes].  I believe in the discipline and philosophy of martial arts and I enjoy both the cardio and stretching opportunities.  What I have not been able to wrap my head around is the attacking piece.  Of course, learning to attack is merely another form of self-defense.... true martial arts do not promote fighting - they promote peace-making. 

     I have been taking it for about 6 months and have tested once.  I began the classes solely because I was driving my son to the classes and simply sitting through them.   I felt (and still do) that sitting through them is an exercise opportunity lost.  I have progressed to a level where it is time for me to test again.. and I am left with a question as to whether or not to go on.   I will still be allowed to take the classes and to work out but I will not be allowed to progress if I do not test.

  I enjoy working out with my son.  He is my youngest and this is something we can share.  On the flip side, he is very serious about martial arts and I am not.  He struggles with the attitude of those who are present strictly for exercise.  For him, it has become a lifestyle.   We are very honest people and I wonder if his 16 year old judgments are part of my concern about the validity of my presence in class.

  Is it hypocritical to continue on this path in a discipline that is not true to my nature?  That is my primary question.  I have spoken with the director and he has no concerns.  He has encouraged me to search my heart and make a decision for myself.

  This testing is in a large group setting which I do not want to do.  So I am left with the question.. am I questioning this because I simply don't feel like it (or am intimidated by the setting)?

  Testing is not free.  While I have budgeted the money, I know in my heart that I would rather give that money away and help someone else achieve their dream than to spend it on myself for something I don't care that much about.  Should I donate the money to the do-jang so that someone else can test who might not be able to afford it?  I have since asked the question and found out that they work with those who have different resources than I do.  Whatever I decide, I will remember to keep them high on my list of places for donations.

    I used to walk sometimes during the class and I am ready to do that again.  Spring is coming, I have a full racing schedule and I can use this time to train for that.  I also want to watch my granddaughters more and will sometimes have them during class time.  So I know I am planning on missing classes.  What does this have to do with testing NOW?

     I am concerned for others.  I perceive myself as a positive role model for my family and for those around me.  I am concerned both about being a hypocrite and about setting an example of laziness.  I enjoy being a positive achiever.... not so much because I need to achieve but more because, for me, it's about the journey.   There are those people who are encouraged by what I do.   I have to remember though, that in the final analysis, each person needs to make his or her own decision.

    Selfishly, I really enjoy some of the people I have met at the do-jang.  I feel that some of them are positive role models for me and I do not see them outside of class.  I will miss them when they are no longer part of m life.  This is irrelevant to the question of testing.  I am still driving my son to class.  I will still be coming even if I am not actually attending class as regularly.  My time is limited and I will miss some of the people.  Okay... that is not today's issue.

  What is important here is whether or not I test along with my son.  Funny how your head can get so wrapped up about such small matters.... because in the grand scheme of things... this is a small matter.  It is merely a day in my life.

  The testing is a week away....

 

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