Shoulda

If you are like me,

   your head is full of "shoulda's"

             and "coulda's"

                 and failures.

You constantly are bombarded with all the things you haven't done
     
 all the things you have to do

                  and you miss the little miracles.

                             Godspeak.


This has been a busy week

I have missed sitting on my porch in the evenings

Every time I pass my porch window

I see the empty hummingbird feeders

I really need to stop and fill them.

This thought, dozens of times daily for almost a week.

I am a failure.

Yesterday I got lucky.

Instead of (well, along with!) the empty feeder,

I heard God speak to me.
     (which I am sure He does regularly but my own voice is too loud to hear)


There was a butterfly -
       not shining and free and happy (as we imagine butterflies)

But
           slowly
                 methodically

                maybe even fruitlessly


Going about its business
          bit by bit

          gathering what it could

          from where it was.

It wasn't bothered by "shoulda's"

   It wasn't bothered by what it had not done

                  or by what it was not getting.

It just flitted to each hole

     and flitted away to the next thing.


Today, I shall be a butterfly
             and - I will indeed fill the feeders first thing!

             But I will carefully

                             mindfully

                             gather the nectar the day has to offer

             And flit away

                 to the next adventure.