I am a very spiritual person..... I am even a fairly religious person (honestly, I do not think these are the same things!) I belong to a church and have a church family.
By virtue of physical location, I am a minimum of 30 minutes away from most of the church members and do not see many of them in my every day life. That is important to note.
I am also a family person. I believe that my very first responsibility is to my immediate family, my husband & children. This is the trust God placed in me.
Now here is the dilemma:
Sometimes I feel I have to choose between my family and my church.
The people I live with have brilliant, analytical minds. They have their own spirituality but do not espouse organized religion. Even their spirituality is laced with logic and facts. They are NOT church-goers.
My husband and children occasionally accompany me to church - but it is a gift to me, not something they would choose. Not that I mind, if a 'gift to me' ends up being a way for God to connect with them, well.... that's all good.
But they do not regularly go to church. They do not feel the urge or responsibility to belong. And, as adults, they have that right.... it is a God-given right to all of us.
I am okay with their choices.... I am not okay with my having to choose between them. I want to be with my family. On a Sunday morning, I get up, get dressed and go to church 30 minutes away. If there is a class or a function afterwards, I do not get home until after lunchtime. And family life is in full swing without me. I miss my family.
If I miss Mass, I do miss my church family. I find myself volunteering for activities on Sunday morning simply because if I do not, I might not come! Vacation Bible School is getting ready to start so I know that most Sundays this summer, I will be obligated to be present :-)
It seems like whichever choice I make, I am left with a sadness.
Perhaps what I need to do is analyze our weekend mornings a little bit.
Perhaps my husband does not HAVE to get up and buzz around on SATURDAY morning.... maybe THAT is the day we can share a lazy morning & I can fix breakfast for my men. Maybe I can see if he will get up and do his stuff on SUNDAY since he doesn't want to go to church.
Maybe he will agree to accompany me once a month or so... in a way I can count on, not a random whim.
I will keep thinking and find a solution.... because what is happening now isn't right.
I shouldn't be sad every Sunday morning and I shouldn't have to choose. (Nor should my family feel responsible for MY emotions! They have the right to make their own decisions whether I agree or not)