Got Drama?

Drama is acting.

Drama makes your heart race, your palms sweaty, your stomach sick.

Drama leaves you confused, dazed, insecure.

Drama makes you act irrationally, speak unkindly and defensive.

So why on earth do so many people participate?

Reducing the drama in your life is one of the BEST things you can do for your health and happiness.  It's not easy.... but you will not believe the serenity you will achieve when you succeed!

If you are subject to a lot of drama in your life, I'd like to propose an idea that you may not like.  I'd like to propose the possibility that you are ONE HALF of the dramatic behavior partnership.  Below, I offer some suggestions that will reduce or eliminate YOUR contribution to the DRAMA.

Don't get me wrong.... I'm not blaming you. 

But I found that when I started making changes to ME, a lot of the drama in my life disappeared.  The people I live with and love began to change their behaviors too - NOT because I told them to... but because they followed my lead.

Of course, I lost some people I had called 'friend', too.  But their behaviors did not change... and their behavior was TOXIC to my attitude... so, while painful to realize this, losing those people meant losing their negative impact on my life.  And that, my friends, was a good thing!

1.  Be honest.
      Tell the truth.  Do not elaborate.  Be clear and concise... no pointed barbs, no half-formed comments.... just the facts... and ONLY the facts needed.  You might need to bite your tongue here!  Starting this practice is HARD... especially when you are a partner to dramatic behavior.   My tongue STILL bleeds sometimes from being bitten :-)
     If something REALLY needs to be said, then it will STILL need to be said in a few hours or a day after I have time to think about what message I really want to get across.

2.  Be responsible.
        If you say you will do something, then do it.  If you say something, mean it.  This means following through with commitments.  This means making decisions about what you will and will not tolerate.  For instance, I will not be party to a shouting match.  I will allow some people to yell at me.. if they need to vent their frustration or anger... but I will not carry that around with me.  I will come back later to deal with the issues.

 3.  Be in control of yourself.
          Do NOT let others control your life and emotions.  You can control your own behavior.  As for others, you cannot change them.  But you CAN limit your exposure to them.  And you CAN decide how much effort you want to put into your relationship with them.  And you CAN decide how you will respond to them.

4.  Be logical.
          The people you live with do not really want to make you mad.  Making you unhappy or angry messes up THEIR lives too.   It makes no sense that someone who is your friend or family is actively trying to hurt you.

        If you are criticized, listen.  Think about it.  Decide if it is true.  If it is not, LET IT GO!  If it is, then work to become a better person.

5.  Hold others accountable for what they say and do.
         If someone says they feel a certain way.... believe it and act accordingly.
Do NOT assign motive.  Do NOT assume you know what others are thinking.  Act on FACT.  

6.  Recognize your own self worth.
     Regardless of what anyone may say to you, you have a right to an opinion.  You have the right to make decisions.  Do NOT add an apology to everything you do.  Accept your rightful place as a person with dignity.
 
7.  Be realistic.
         Sometimes there ARE people who are trying to hurt you.  Re-think your relationship if you need to.  Decide how much you will let them hurt you.

         Do NOT accept the pain or behavior.  Accept the person for who they are.

8.   Do NOT play the game!
      Most of all, do NOT get sucked in to the drama.  Keep your head above the fray and do not participate.

Of course - maybe you know all this already.  Maybe you don't have this kind of drama in your daily life.. maybe everyone you deal with is logical and rational.  

But I doubt it... if you deal with people, you deal with drama :-)  So take a hard look at your interactions.... do the best you can.... and get a good laugh out of it! 

Drama can be comedy too :-)