Estranged.... and stuck

I have a friend who is very sick right now and will have surgery soon.

While the diagnosis has left her reeling, her family members are gathering around to help.  What is significant here is that she has been estranged from much of her family for almost 20 years.  Her birthday was the other day and she confided in me that it was her best birthday ever.

The horrible diagnosis and uncertain outcome has been the necessary PUSH to get her family to sit up and reach out.  The sadness is that it took so long.


It is so easy to get STUCK.... in behaviors.  We get hurt and cut people off to keep the pain away.  It makes sense.  But then what?  So much of what we do is not thought through..... do we HAVE to wait until someone is dead or dying to reach back out again?


Is there someone in YOUR life that you need to make peace with?  Or failing that, is it time to sweep things under the rug and pretend like nothing happened?  Or even just reach out a hand and start over? 

I am not suggesting renewing relationships that are unhealthy for you.  Sometimes we get into behavior patterns with people that stunt our growth or prompt OUR bad behavior.  But if AVOIDING a person is causing you difficulty, then perhaps it's time to re-define the relationship.   I can think of several people who, when I am around them, I am not my BEST self.  So I need to juggle a bit to maintain relations.

It's okay to stay at arms-length.. things do not have to go back where they were.... maybe it wasn't a healthy relationship to begin with.  But certainly hanging on to pain and bad feeling isn't healthy either!


Challenge time:


        Is there a person (are there PEOPLE) in your life that you are avoiding contact with?  Someone who has hurt you or been a bad influence or whatever.....


  Close your eyes for a minute and imagine that person in a car wreck or some other tragedy.  What would you feel then?  If you still are not affected... then perhaps that is a relationship that is well and truly over.


  But I'd like to suggest that if you have an emotional response to this scenario.... it might just be time to extend a hand.  For YOUR peace of mind :-)


By the way.... snail mail "thinking of you" cards are easy and fairly non-committal.


And now you know ONE of the reasons behind my card resolution :-)